i realised that having ALOT of things to do helps get ur mind off stuff sometimes.
ive taken up a bunch of commitments,survey-doing and tuition.and i have more reports and projects this sem.which is utterly crazy.
i was workin cos of another reason altogether,but i guess i culd use e spare cash.new phone i guess.
i was rummaging tru my drawer and i came across this pile of letters which were written long long ago. and im very glad ive renewed the friendship which i presumed was long lost 5 yrs ago. some things nver do change,and im very grateful for having friends who have stuck wif me tru thick and thin.
we cleared up a lot of stuff yday,i was tearful,but at e same time, i was very happy to hear his voice.i really need to talk abt it sometime cos i realised i haven't been confiding a lot in my best buds. maybe i thought i culd handle it all myself,but im wrong.

i still love you,i really really do.

God,i pray to you now for the strength to stand today.for the courage and utmost confidence which i dearly need.for i have held in for the past 7 days,til i could hold in no longer.
after which i felt e torrent of tears overwhelm me once again,just when my defenses were low,and my mentality weak.i thought that the 7 days during which i couldn't emote properly,was a sign that i have accepted,moved on.
but as the familiar feeling gripped my heart today,i knew it was too difficult.and that i could not possibly leave behind something i've loved and cherished so wholeheartedly.something i vowed i would put my heart and soul into.
i tried my best to deny it during the past few days,and i thought i managed to persuade myself.but when i walked down e stairs today,i couldnt contain my emotions.silently,i came to terms that God gave me the ability to love and change for the someone he brought into my life.i haf tried in every way i knew how..perhaps i should have put in more...perhaps.
i didnt haf an inkling of all this until now..wonder what i should make of it all.

and i breathe you,into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today,
cos i love you,whether it's wrong or right,
and though i cant be with you tonight,
you know my heart is by ur side.

it's been such a terrible week i wonder how i managed to get tru it all..thank you to all who haf been dere for me one way or another.
thank you,really.
went clubbin on NYE and simon and i managed to get into a club only minutes before 12am!
it was so scary when we saw the various queues at e diff clubs omg..and the walkin was atrociously long.
we talked by e river abt a lot of stuff and wad our new yr resolutions would be.hmm.food for thought.
reached home after that stil quite awake and then it hit me.
thank you shaz and sean for listenin while i wept like some siao char bor at like wad 3am? wonder if u 2 even managed to understand what i was tryin to say though.
and thank you hy for caring when i smsed you and you called me immediately.
and thank you yingxuan for listenin and smsing and understandin..i guess i thought the same way you did too.
haha and yes thank you sean for e nonsense when we went to watch king kong on new yr day itself.i didnt get enuf sleep ok! only 3 pathetic hourss u ass.
went taka's pepper lunch for lunch wif my sis.then headed to mum's place after thatt..
i was so exhausted i barely kept my swollen eyes open urgh.and i had reports to rush the next day omggg.the workload is a killer la.
sch was crazy,rush here rush there.and common tests are next week!
better start muggin.at least it keeps my mind off stuff.
but its so hard..fate has a way of changing,jus when you don't want it to.
i dun even noe how to put it in words,and i rather not.

illusions are merely beautiful misconceptions.sigh.im still hangin on..

.i try to smile my tears away.
.i try to keep my cool.
.oh but one more door gets in my way.
.i feel like such a fool.
.trampled and bitter.
.my heart jus wants to bleed and stop.
.believing in me.

.oh but nothing is for certain.
.and nothing comes for free.
.when they're lowering the curtains.
.to the theatre of my dreams.
.i stumble and i crumble and i'm sinkin to my knees but you.
.you cradle me.

.you keep me flying.
.you keep me smilin.
.you keep me safe in a crazy world.
.you understand me.
.embrace my fragility.
.you keep me safe in a crazy world.
.and in ur arms i find the strength.
.to believe in me again.